3:16 Virgin Territory

this one episode of modern family just like idk i rly wanna write about it so here it is

modern family season 3 episode 16 "virgin territory" is about big secrets about one of them being found out and also kind of made which i'll get more into later. mainly the one that is most focused on is phil finding out haley isnt a virgin which he finds out in a really stupid and avoidable way which i'll also get into. but yeah the main part of it is that phil finds out haley isnt a virgin and he's like all weird about it and is really sweet and cool about it in the end

HOWEVER

i do not care about that in the least

i wanna talk about these secrets and how so many of them are so stupidly revealed.

so first i want to mention all of the secrets that each person has throughout the episode

Claire: still has cam's tupperware, left the convertible up to let out cig smoke and blamed on dede, goes to the gun range
Jay: didnt go to their ice skating semi final and went golfing instead, paid his friends tab
Mitch: kicked in jays golf ball so didnt really get a hole in one **
Cam: stayed back and got everyone out of the house to find the tupperware
Luke & Manny: hiding their rube goldberg machine, drove cam's car to impress miranda
Haley: isnt a virgin **

other things about it: gloria wanting to be liked by claire, alex starting to be motherly towards a doll that reminds her of herself (and her acting her age for once), mitch forgetting the real memory of his first beer, had an actual serious moment w jay for once (also the way he brushed it off/ forgot about it), the entire virgin metaphor stuff w phil and haley and alex, STORM STEVENS THATS IT, they said they'd confess in 20 years but kinda did later on in the season/ next season??

ok so i also want to talk about how avoidable the two biggest secrets that were in this episode really were because it pisses me off. the two big ones are haley losing her virginity and jay not really getting a hole in one.

for the haley one, this is revealed through a conversation that was between haley, phil, alex, and kinda lily. the entire convo is in the car on the way to the mall and is already a super jokey convo so it can be all seen as not that serious. wait heres the convo:

PHIL Okay, okay! We're gonna have to settle
this dispute in court- the food court.
The Honorable Judge Cinnabon presiding.
HALEY The food court? That place smells like
the inside of Luke's bicycle helmet.
ALEX I like the food court.
LILY Me too.
PHIL Don't worry, girls. We're not gonna
deprive ourselves... just 'cause Haley's aversion
ALEX [laughs.] Oh. Oh. Haley's aversion.
I thought you said-
[Haley glares at her.]
Never mind.
3:16 Virgin Territory

idk if im crazy or sm but i feel like this isnt even a reveal that haley lost her vigninity. like it could so clearly just been alex laughing at something that sounded like something that its not it really doesn't prove anything or mean that it's a fact she isn't a virgin. the entire situation could've been looked past if haley didn't bring so much attention to it yk. all that had to happen was for alex to be like "haha that sounds funny it sounds like you're making fun of her" or something like that like it REALLY wasnt that serious. idk it just pisses me off how poorly they didn't even try to act like it wasnt said they just "never mind." like bro. try a little.

then theres the whole "jay didn't actually make that hole in one" secret that mitch revealed. it's understandable that jay got mad cus like he thought he did some sort of LEGENDARY hole in one which the entire club praised him for when really he didn't really do anything. that part i understand. he had a nickname and all and now it just feels insencere. it's when we get to the point where mitch goes up to his friends and tells them. this part is gonna be a little more annoying to explain.

so theres this entire interaction between jay and his buddies at the club right.

JAY So, you ladies ready to tee off or what?
SOME DUDE Just gotta settle up our tab.
JAY I took care of it.
SOME OTHER DUDE You said you were going to
the restroom.
SOME DUDE Ah! Can't trust a wordout of this
guy's mouth.
SOME OTHER DUDE Twenty years we've been
falling for this.
3:16 Virgin Territory

this was right when jay got to the club and he was trying to figure out what he's gonna do about living the lie that he really isnt this pro golfer who everyone calls ace anymore. he was thinking about how all his golf friends literally lie about their lives anyways about crazy things like having a ferrari and a hot wife and millions of dollars types of things. so hes like ehhh whatever i'll just go with the lie its chill.

but bro. mitchell comes in right when they're saying all that. why bro why.

MITCHELLI-I'm sorry to interrupt, but my
dad never lied to you guys.
JAYMitchell...
MITCHELLNo, he didn't even know until today
that he never made the hole-in-one.
Okay?
But the fact that he couldn't live with himself
when he found out, and he raced down here to confess
to you, that just shows the kind of man he is.
He is a hole-in-one kind of man.
SOME GUYYou never got a hole-in-one?
JAYI didn't tell them.
3:16 Virgin Territory

again idk if im crazy but like why didn't he just be like "what the hell are you talking about??? weirdo freak making things up???? you think i'm out here being called ace for years over my greatest acheivement just over a lie??" like idk i feel like esp w like the whole gay son rep mitch probably has at the club he coulda played it off idk. there was just kind of a lot of really poorly covered up lies they really coulda saved their asses waaaaayyyy better than they do in this episode. this one it's more like oh he was caught off guard okay and mitches entire speach makes its a little awko but like idk.

the haley one bothers me more cus its just like you soooo coulda covered that up. esp if haley lies about all this stuff anyways to hide from her parents. like okay she isnt very smart but also she's done soo much stuff that her parents know nothing about.

this is a long one but i kinda wanna talk about luke and manny stealing the car to impress the girl. cus they talked about the statue of limitations and how they're going to hide this for in 20 years in the future. but like it literally gets revealed from luke in the same season. the season finale ends with luke going through all the mail he's hiden from the family for things he didn't want revealed and one of them is him and manny getting a red light ticket.

LUKE Here's a coupon for a
gun range for mom.
Report card.
Report card.
Notice from the city to take down
the tree house or be fined $25 a day...
Report card.
Red light ticket from when
me and Manny stole that...
[episode ends.]
3:24 Baby on Board

like yeah i do enjoy the season recap like returning to the plots. the gun range coming back up, the treehouse being mentioned, its a really sweet way to end the season with a little humor after the other actual finale thing is revealed NO SPOILERS. but like if they were going for the sort of "we'll keep this secret for 20 years until they wont care about it" type of vibe then they shoulda stuck with it idk. there is also the fact that they didn't even go through a red light when they were driving and also it was cam's car so like when tf did they steal one of the dunphy's cars and drive it through a red light??? why dont we get to see that??? i wanna see that wtf like this massive peice of manny and luke doing something and we don't even know what it is. idk if its the writers being lazy or me being stupid or what but like that's never explained. if its trying to reference them stealing cam's car its really strange cus like they'd have to have taken cam's mail and also would have had to drive more than just reversing down the street.

theres kinda way more to talk about but i am YAPPING rn i mostly wanted to talk about how the avoidable lies really piss me off cus they were handled so poorly. maybe i might update this later and get into one of the other things i wanted to talk about in this episode but i'll prob forget lmao.